Gran gran gran, that was the sound I heard from my phone as the alarm went off, and I stretched out my hands to put it off. I made my way to my window to put the blinds up and as I did, a wide ray of the sun shone directly on my face, and I stood there to enjoy the bright light of the day. A light tap on the shoulder brought me back to reality, and I turned to see who it was; it turned out to be my maid as she wore a welcoming smile on her face. I heaved a sigh of relief and let go of the blinds, and made my way to sit on the bed.
‘Good morning ma’, Anna greeted.
I replied to her greetings, after which she proceeded to ask what I'd love to have for breakfast. Not in the mood to eat anything, I nodded my head to every food suggestion she came up with as I made my way to the bathroom.
My maid looked at me helplessly and I could see the concern in her eyes as though she was wondering if I was fine - I was, of course, but somehow, I was being lethargic this morning. Even my Sunday routine was already in disarray!
I stepped out of the bathroom to get changed into a comfy cloth as I did not plan on going out that day. However, a missed call from Marvel, my friend-turned-sister attempted to disrupt my entire plans for the day.
Her screams and howls over the phone jolted me onto my feet as I scrambled to pick up my car keys - ready to meet her, should she indicate the need. But, Marvel's crackles and laughter underneath her shout calmed me down as she relayed the news to me. “Guess what, girl? I just got proposed to last night!” Her voice travelled over the call line.
Screaming in joy, I danced around the room I was in such that Anna, who was whipping something for us to eat, peeked in with a worried expression. Knowing that I had startled the young lady, I curbed my screams but not until I gave my sincere congratulations to my friend.
“You know, you deserve this! Your hard work finally paid off”, I told Marvel.
“I know, right?” She responded. “I'll come over to your place soon to tell you the entire story”, she promised as the call came to an end.
With a smile, I ended the call, but could someone tell me why my face was all covered in tears?
I knew these were not tears of joy. Rather, they were tears of bitterness, sorrow, envy and every negative thought you could think of.
But why? Marvel is my good sister. I should be happy for her! I berated myself, but it was as though my lacrimal glands had lost their dam; the tears kept rushing out.
Anna came rushing out and she offered me some wipes quietly. I knew I ought to be glad that my friend was engaged but who was going to console me - who lost her two-year long relationship earlier this year?
Maybe I needed to cry, I said to myself, because lately, I had been bottling up different kinds of emotions inside of me.
Liam, my ex, was everything any woman would want in a man, but he had one problem - maybe it was common to all men; I really cannot tell. But, every time the issue of marriage and settling down arose, he would always find a reason to divert and change the topic. At first, I was patient and tried to understand him, but my mom was constantly on my neck, using my cousin of the same age, who was already married with three kids, to taunt me. This created a hole in our already-struggling relationship and this year, we went our separate ways.
I considered psychotherapy; I thought about suicide, but I realised that my worth was not in any human being but in the value I placed upon myself. Although my friends tried to help - Anna, although a maid, was like a mother to me, and Marvel even moved in with me at some point to ensure that I did not slip into depression. They also took the extra effort to introduce me to another man - a fine, young man called Simon. He was Marvel's boyfriend's co-worker.
However, that relationship, which lasted four months, never saw the light of day. Simon wanted to get married as soon as possible since he was an only child, but I wanted to marry someone who came from a large family; thus, our ideals and frame of thought always clashed.
He was perfect, though - almost too perfect that it made my imperfections so obvious, which I subconsciously ran from. Thinking back now, even on the day I ended things with him, he had taken it with a smile. What a man!
My reverie of the past was jolted with a shout of my name from a very familiar voice. Marvel was screaming my name downstairs and flaunting her new engagement ring. It was an eyesore, really but I knew it was just the envious part of me acting up. Arranging my facial expression, I walked down the staircase and observed Anna standing nearby with a smile on her face. I heaved a sigh of relief as I discovered that my maid had not told Marvel about my emotional meltdown earlier in the day - it would have been so awkward!
Mouthing thanks to her, I looked back at my joyous friend.
Maybe it was all good like this too. Regardless of my own hurt, I can be happy for my friend sincerely and in doing so, my happiness will come swiftly, I thought to myself.
Or, what do you think, dear reader?
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