"Vish, the creator; and Shiv, the destroyer, are simply two faces of the very same coin," Ashwin Sanghi once said.
Which party is therefore the real side, we must ask - The creator or the destroyer? It's difficult to tell which, right?
For most people, this is how it appears. It can be challenging to identify your real self when you have so many different sides to your personality. And I'm not referring to a personality disorder; rather, I'm referring to how the people we interact with alter our personalities.
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Why must you be polite to some people while being disrespectful to others? There is an obvious answer. It's because our situation with each person we relate with is different. Some individuals must always wear a mask because they are so afraid of people finding out who they really are. However, why do we feel such fear when we show our real selves? I'll concentrate on one of man's real sides in this article: his selfishness.
S-E-L-F-I-S-H-N-E-S-S
According to the Merriam-Webster English dictionary, to be selfish means to be concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself. That is, seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. This means that selfishness arises from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard for others.
A selfish individual is typically scorned by the general public.
"Why could she be so self-centred?"
"Because of his selfish nature, he has no pals."
"Isn't it selfish of him to try to solve everything on his own, he should at least take into account my emotions and circumstances?"
The public is always quick to judge but they all forget one thing, everyone is selfish, including them. Selfish, self-absorbed, self-centred, etc, whatever term they might use to call it. Depending on the circumstances, everybody can be selfish.
Everyone is, in a sense, selfish. And while we are aware of this and work to keep it hidden or suppressed, the truth is that the majority of the time, if not always, the first person we think of when something happens, whether it be positive or negative, is you.
Take for example, a natural disaster happening; the first thing on your mind is to survive, you don't mind pushing others out of your way to get to safety, at that point, all that matters is your safety and that of your family. Should you be called selfish in this situation?
I have a personal mantra which is, "If you know you can survive on your own without needing anyone's help, then you can be selfish; Nobody will judge you."
But man isn't an island. He can't survive on his own without relating to others. Even an island needs to be surrounded by water to be called an island, therefore, without the help of water, an island isn't fully an island. The same goes for humans. You can't survive in this world on your own. You need to be surrounded by people and in order for those people to stay, you need to communicate with them; relate with them and it can be for the littlest things. But you will still need help from others.
In as much as we're trying to look out for ourselves, we are selfish when "looking out for yourself" has an impact on others. Especially if it's a negative impact if humans are placed with two options:
Option A: It will benefit you and your family but not the society
Option B: It will benefit everyone in society equally.
It will shock you to find out that most people will pick the first option. Is it really hard to be selfless? And I do not mean the, "inconveniencing yourself for the convenience of others" but rather the "considering others before you make decisions" type of selflessness.
When it comes to my future, I am prone to selfishness. Even my voice reflects it. Instead of trying to hide it, I work on it. And I don't feel bad about it, I'm trying to look out for myself. When I should feel ashamed is when it starts to spiral out of control and I start to act conceited when eventually I will ultimately need assistance from others. This is why so many people work so hard to appear selfless while actually harbouring selfish tendencies. But who benefits when someone is selfless? Are you really being selfish or unselfish for your sake or the opinion of others? Or because you know you will need help from someone?
Why fake it when you can actually be it? Why should some know you as selfish while others know you as selfless? Yes, man is naturally selfish, but if you can be nice and helpful to some, you can be to everyone. Is it hard? Yes, probably. But it's good to not be selfish; we don't have to fake it every time. We spend so much time faking a lot of things that removing one thing from our "fake it" to-do list will go a long way for us.
“Selfish people tend to only be good to themselves … they are surprised when they are alone.” —Steve Maraboli
It is sad to work this journey of life alone, so don't. Whether it is in your nature to be selfish or not, you can modify it. Work on being a little selfless, let that become one of your many true sides. And not just the side that everyone is used to seeing, but the side that exists deep down.
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